*Content warning: This story contains mentions of abuse in a relationship. If you are the victim of abuse or to learn the warning signs, please contact Love is Respect or text LOVEIS to 22522.

Dating can be very difficult sometimes and can lead to a bunch of problems if you and your partner don’t work out. Sometimes you may feel like you’re stuck and have to be with them because you love them. The truth is,  you’re not stuck, and from my experience leaving hurts but it hurts more to stay. I feel like it’s so important to advocate for doing what is best for yourself in a relationship.

In my last relationship, my ex would constantly belittle me and try to make me as insecure as possible so I could stay with him. This looked like him not supporting me in what I wanted to do in my future, or him just making everything about himself. Manipulation and control go a long way when it is someone you love and want to try to make things work. Every time the thought of breaking up with him came up, I always got so upset because I thought I loved him. But the real reason I stayed with him was because of what I thought was going to happen. As our relationship went on, this control and manipulation got worse; and I thought if I left him, he would hurt himself. This ultimately lead me to staying with him and trying so hard to make things work.

I thought I was stuck in the relationship and there was no way I could ever leave. However, after talking to different people and getting their input, I realized what he was doing was considered abusive. (Remember, even if there’s no hitting involved, it can still be abuse!) The only way I could escape and change that situation was to leave.

After leaving the relationship, he tried to get back with me by constantly spamming me and trying to guilt me into taking him back. With the right mindset and a goal in mind, I kept to what I wanted to do and left him for good. It was a long and difficult process, but over time, it shaped me into a better person. I think it’s super important to be careful when getting into a new relationship. If they start love-bombing you at the beginning, it’s a bad sign. Or if they have some red flags (including threatening to hurt you or themselves, calling you names, or getting angry in a way that is frightening to you), you should never ignore them. If you have a bad feeling about the person, stay away.

I hope my story can help people know they aren’t alone in any kind of relationship that they might be suffering abuse from. You can do it, and you’re not stuck in the relationship. A little bit of hurt from leaving isn’t going to be as bad as staying and always hurting. Likewise, it’s so, so important to always know that it gets better, no matter how hard the journey may seem!