Pain With A Lil’ Hope

April 24, 2017

Matthew Farrell,18, was born and raised in Worcester, Massachusetts. He currently works at Eller’s Restaurant and will study Technical Theater at Quinsigamond Community College in the fall. Matthew has volunteered at Leicester Middle School as a teacher’s aid for art classes. He is interested in research about mental health and cognitive psychology. In Matthew’s free time he enjoys making music, spending time with family and friends, and photography.

Pain comes in many shapes and sizes. This pain was one that I couldn’t bare. Hearing the doctors telling me my mom wouldn’t live due to extreme liver failure was the one thing I can’t get out of my head. The cause? Alcohol.

The journey to this moment wasn’t easy. We all constantly take things for granted. But for me, a life is not one of them. My mom was my biggest supporter, always cheering me on and pushing me in the right direction, like a mom should. From the time I was a toddler to 17 years old, she was always there for me, and I was always there for her. Struggling with an addiction is not easy. Sleepless nights, depression, and cravings make it that much worse – I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it was.

After that day, I forgot how to live. Getting in a routine of nothing is easy to fall into but much harder to get out of. I was lost, hopeless, and scared. The one person who understood me the most was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt pain, a pain that hurt so tremendously I wouldn’t want anybody to experience.

“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness” as Desmond Tutu said. All of our lives have darkness, but when you see you the light it makes the darkness fade slowly. That’s what happened to me. With such a tragic life altering moment happening so suddenly and unexpectedly, I forgot how to live.

We all have things we love in our life. For me, my friends and family are things I can’t live without. And my friends and family were there for me every step of the way. From countless hours of talking on the phone with my cousin Shannon, to connecting with my friends from the Emotion Revolution (Andrew, Angelo, Charleen, Rahul, and Nora) and lunch dates with my friends Josie and JCole.

Talking and connecting with my friends and family really healed me in a way I couldn’t heal myself. Such a simple act can make somebody so happy and feel so important, even for a moment. My friends knew that it wasn’t going to be an easy time for me, but they stuck by me and continued to be there for me, no matter what time of day, or the issue. That’s a huge act of kindness in my eyes.

This goes beyond my story, and should be used throughout everybody’s life. Simple kind acts can make a huge difference in a person’s day, week, or even year. Kindness is free, and it makes you feel good while doing it. I can’t thank my friends and family enough for helping me throughout one of the hardest moments in my life. I hope one day I can help them as much as they helped me.