I was laying on the couch, deathly ill from some bug I had caught. I had it in my mind to come out to my mom first. I was quite hesitant. Being gay isn’t considered the “norm” in most families, at least not mine. I was about sixteen years old, a terrifying age/time/era to even consider the consequences of saying “Hey, I’m gay!”confronted by so much hatred beforehand, it made me even more resilient.
I wanted to come out even more. The hatred is what drove me to turn into my most authentic self. I proceeded to tell my mom I am gay, and then it explosively turned into “I’m Bi,” which was yet another lie. I finally got the nerve to say, “Yes, I am GAY.” The backlash was awful. You will have friends, family, etc…turn their backs on you, separate and distance themselves from you, or say you are going against their view of what “God” says or wants, and that’s OK.
People will tell you, “It’s just a phase,” or, “You’ll grow out o fit,” which isn’t very encouraging. Being a part of the LGBTQ+ community is one of the most empowering things one can do. They say, “It’s a choice,” like we wake up one day asking for our lives to be so utterly destroyed by narrow-minded, dogmatic, uneducated minds.
Indeed, we do NOT ask for any of this. I came out to my entire family, friends, etc. Nobody seemed to “care,” which was a total mask. So many wear these “masks” to cover their homophobia and fears. It’s not something I would wish for any young person to go through or experience.
There were a few people in particular that accepted me fully, entirely, not passing judgment like the rest. My Grandma, Grandpa, and my Uncle. They supported me no matter the vision. Along with most of my family, which was quite a relief and made me feel that much more empowered to go on with my queer life. You might be bullied, beaten, spat on, called names, and the like. However, this can either build you up or break you down. I choose to no longer let it break me down.
We are all human, so it does and will break you down at times, times that will pass and make you stronger. I myself am still working on ways to not let the negative bombard my soul. As for being gay, there is NOTHING wrong with it. I do look forward to a day when it will no longer be an issue. Embracing who you are, whether gay, straight, bi, transgender, is the only way to go. You cannot lie to yourself.
You will find people out there that truly care, that love you for who you are, who will accept you, and love you with all of their being. To all those struggling with any type of identity crisis/issue, just stick it out and fall back on your passions. Whether it be spirituality, art, music, etc., things will become that much brighter. Do not let anyone make you feel you are wrong or “sick” for the way you were born. It can be a life-long struggle, or it can turn into a beautiful life. The choice is yours.
Fill all the ugliness with things that make you happy. Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, teacher, or whomever you feel within your soul that you can trust. Make sure you are ready for what is to come. Sticking to your path and what your soul yearns for is the best thing possible. Let no one divert you from what your truth is. Never let people convince you that you shouldn’t be true to yourself. There are better days ahead. To quote one amazing inspiration of mine, as well as a huge supporter of the LGBTQ+ community; “To thine own self be true.”