During my formative years, I held the belief that my achievements and virtues would solely determine my worth as a daughter. However, as I matured, I came to a stark realization that my physical appearance would also play a pivotal role in shaping my identity and societal acceptance. Despite the passage of time, one constant remains – the unaltered outlook on the significance of ‘beauty.’ Beauty’s definition is evolving, and it is indeed subjective, as reflected in the phrase ‘beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.‘ However, the insensitivity and backwardness of the term ‘beauty’ have remained consistent. Throughout history, specific societal groups have felt marginalized and invalidated due to unrealistic beauty standards, altering individuals’ realities and behaviours.
Unfortunately, I have also been impacted by the same systemic issue that causes individuals to feel uncomfortable and self-conscious about their appearance, leading to significant distress until recently. During my formative years, I constantly felt like the only family member who did not meet aesthetic standards and was an aesthetically challenged individual, which contributed to my development of insecurities and lack of confidence. Some of my current behaviours stem from past experiences, starting from a lack of confidence on camera, severe social anxiety, an inferiority complex, and a constant search for external validation. This ongoing struggle left me feeling like a victim of a cruel and superficial world that values only physical appearance.
The unfair experience was further exacerbated by hormonal acne when the list of different pieces of unsolicited advice on the effective treatment of acne did not end. Although it is not uncommon to have the issue of acne, it is still met with grimace by the majority of the population, making its acceptance illusory for people struggling with it. For some, the emotionally taxing fight against acne ends in their 20s, but for some, it is a lifelong journey supported by tons of medicines and a thousand appointments with different dermatologists. It was a tough journey for me, who was daily clambering with low self-esteem and the daunting thought of being judged by every single eye in the world outside my room.
Amidst all of this, the body positivity movement emerged as a figurative saviour, offering hope that we could fully embrace and cherish ourselves. Regrettably, it soon transformed into a harmful trend of unwarranted positivity perpetuated by some individuals on social media. This distorted version has shifted the focus from promoting self-acceptance, love, and intrinsic dignity of the body to an unhealthy fixation on appearance.
Ultimately, we found ourselves in a challenging situation where we were still grappling with the process of learning to accept and embrace ourselves. It was at that point that I realized that neither the body positivity movement nor external interventions could assist us in recognizing the value of our bodies. Simply put, it is essential not to succumb to the pressures of constantly loving ourselves and instead, take the necessary time to appreciate the functionality of our bodies. It is crucial to acknowledge that no matter what we do, there will always be individuals who will belittle us based on our physical appearance. So, Let us divert our attention from them and instead concentrate on how our body is the only support system that we have when we cry and suffer in solitude. There are instances when I am displeased with myself and my appearance, and truthfully, these instances outnumber the days when I am content with myself. However, I have resolved to gradually and steadily cultivate appreciation for my body.
During moments of panic, it is not my outward appearance that sustains me, but rather the health of my body. Without the support of a healthy body, my panic attacks tend to escalate and become more severe. Individuals, such as those of us who are impacted by mental health conditions or physical ailments, understand the importance of attaining equilibrium between the body and mind. One’s appearance does not shield us from the anguish of illness. Therefore, the focus on our outward appearance does not contribute positively to our well-being; rather, it serves to further marginalize us.
See, I am aware that it will require some time for us to wholeheartedly love ourselves, considering we have harboured these insecurities for a significant duration. However, we can initiate the process by gradually acknowledging the immense contributions our bodies make. Simultaneously, it is crucial to refrain from diminishing others based on their physical appearance. A constructive step we can take is to abstain from discussions revolving around looks in our everyday dialogues. This practice can foster a conducive environment where individuals are not subjected to reiterating past distressing experiences.
I want to mention here a very relatable dialogue from one of the very famous Pakistani series, Parizaad, for those who have suffered issues like us since childhood.
“I know that these doubts, anxieties and apprehensions inside you have been festering in you for a long time and that they won’t end in a moment…..”
Indeed, it is not going to end in a moment but we must begin the process of reclaiming ownership of our bodies and cultivate a mindset of kindness and respect towards them.
