I’ve been thinking about all the things I learned growing up. By three, I was already reading! I mastered tying my shoes and riding bikes with such pride. My handwriting got neater with practice. As years passed, I conquered algebra, memorized history facts, and eventually slid behind the wheel for my first drive. I researched, wrote papers, developed work skills, and even learned how to teach others what I knew.

Here I am at 23, supposedly grown, with all these accomplishments under my belt. Yet something fundamental is missing. I never learned how to love myself. Isn’t that strange? I can tie complicated knots, drive through busy traffic, write research papers…but loving myself? That skill somehow slipped through the cracks.

I don’t blame anyone for this gap in my education. My parents, teachers, and mentors prepared me wonderfully for life. I think self-love just doesn’t seem like something that needs teaching at least not to most people. It’s supposed to come naturally, right? Living with depression changes everything. When sadness overwhelms me or positivity feels impossible, I stop caring for myself altogether. Deep inside, a stubborn part of me still struggles to believe I’m worthy of love, especially my own.

So how do we learn to love ourselves? I wish I could tell you there’s a magic switch that makes everything easier. There isn’t. The journey is messy. It’s challenging. It takes consistent work. That’s just the truth. What I’m learning works for me: When I have those golden moments of self-appreciation, I say them out loud. If I catch myself looking good in the mirror, I don’t just think it, I actually say, “Wow girl, you look good!” When I write something I’m proud of, I acknowledge it. I celebrate it. And when others compliment me, I write it down. I save it.

I’m not perfect at following my own advice though. Some days, despite knowing a thousand tips and inspirational quotes, nothing seems to help. In my 23 years, I’ve gathered a lot of knowledge, but I still have much to learn including how to consistently love myself. On my darkest days, I turn to my “happy save” on my phone and in my email. I borrowed this idea from a friend — collections of messages, emails, tweets, and notes that once made me smile. These treasured memories remind me why I deserve my own love when I can’t remember by myself. If you’re struggling with self-love too, please know you’re not alone. So many of us are walking this same path, learning as we go. It might be the hardest thing we ever learn to do. But we’re all learning together. You, me, the people around us we’re all works in progress. And someday, step by step, we’ll get there. Together.