“You have to wake up every day and choose recovery.”
I remember the first time I was told this saying. I was sitting on my therapist’s couch in her office. I had just had another tough session and was seriously doubting that recovery could be something that would ever work for me. I felt like a failure. I felt like I was not good enough for recovery. When she said this to me, I knew she was right; it was not going to be easy, and it was not something that was going to change overnight. Recovery is something that I was going to have to work for every single day and choose when I woke up in the morning.
For over a decade, I have had mental health struggles. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD, BPD, and auditory hallucinations. I have spent plenty of days at war with myself. I struggled with an eating disorder for almost 6 years. I thought I was not good enough, so I turned to destructive behaviors to make myself feel better. Did it work? Maybe for 10 minutes but then I went back to being miserable and feeling extremely guilty.
When I got help for the first time in 2014, a lot changed in my life. I learned more about myself, my patterns, and my goals for myself. I was at my lowest low, and I did not know if I was ever going to make it to the top of the mountain. Through therapy, medication, treatment, and an amazing support team over the years I have been able to climb to the top of that mountain and so many more along the way. Was it scary? Absolutely. Was it worth it? Definitely.
I have spent the past 3 years actively fighting my demons every single day. Are there days where I fall down? Yep, but I get back up and try again. I know every day is not going to be great and that is where therapy has helped me. Therapy has helped me cope with the bad days and prepare for the next time it might happen. Therapy has taught me skills to use so I can get through the day without hurting myself, physically or mentally. Therapy has taught me to enjoy the little moments and live in the present. It has taught me to dedicate my time and enjoy to recovery.
You do not know where it will take you and that is okay. What is important is that you wake up and try you hardest. You show your demons who is the boss and you keep fighting no matter what anyone else tells you. By waking up and choosing recovery you are choosing life and freedom and happiness. It might take some time to get there and when you do get there you will be so glad you made the journey.